Köln

Fire. I can see it in the fireplace from where I sit. It's heating up the house, doing a better job than yesterday for sure. I stocked up on the firewood today, a lot more than the previous days. I got the well almost completely ice free. Took me one and a half hour to do so, but still. Ice free is ice free.

After my chores, I went online. I haven't written anything myself on my social media, I don't really feel like I have a right to, which is odd, considering the fact that I have more right than most.

I don't know why I feel that way. Maybe it's because so many have written about what happened new years eve in Köln. Maybe it's because i don't want to be just another man-hater. Maybe it's because you can't write a single comment online without a million following "but's". And nothing you say before the word "but" really matters.

I saw a video called "Dear daddy" not so long ago on youtube. It ended: "Dear daddy, I know you will protect me from lions, cars, tsunamis without a sense of danger to your own life. But please protect me from the greatest danger. The danger of being a woman".

It's true that not all men violate women. It's true that not all men are ruthless bastards. But some men are. And this discussion is about them. Not all men. Not all religions. Just them. Just those individuals. And there is not a single country in the entire world that can honestly say that they have achieved gender equality. Not a single fucking one.

The woman hears comments like "She was also asking for it" and "Haven't you been looking for a boyfriend in a while" and no one can forget the classic: " Are you really sure this happened. Are you really sure those bruises on your neck are real"

And what if it has happened more than once. Then clearly it is your own fault!

I have seven brothers. No sisters. I grew up with four of them. I love them very much. More than they are aware of. I would never hurt them, I would never say anything to hurt them. And so i am not saying this to them. They are are good people, better than so many others i have met, And they know that I am not saying this to them. And they are not responsible. They know that.

I am wondering about the men arguing online saying "I would never do that" and " why is there so much hate towards the men going on these days?" Do they know? I am not blaming all men. I feel sorry for the ones who have been wrongly accused. I feel sorry for the men who are suffering in war now, because they have been drafted whereas the women have not. That is the thing about gender equality. It goes both ways.

There is a game. A manoeuvre. A strategy. If you ask a man about it, he will not know what the fuck you are talking about. But ask a woman. Everytime  she leaves the house. If she goes to work "Am i wearing too much make-up? maybe they won't take me seriously"

When she goes to a party " Is this too short? Will they see it as an invitation?" "What if it's too long. They will call me dull, and laugh" When she walks home "What was that sound. I am probably just being paranoid"

When she comes to work the week after, and her co workers say: "she wasn't careful. she was probably wearing perfume and everything"

And everyone has a story. And yes, also every woman in the Western world! This is not about one culture. It is a global problem. And we need to find a global solution.

Walking is very important to me. I have written about that before. It is a major part of how I identify myself. The first year I lived in Sweden I was 16 years old and living with my folks and some of my brothers, six people on 16 square meters. I had to walk. It was my escape. My way of finding out who I was and who I wanted to be. Even in -30 C, I used to walk seven or eight times per day.

If I was not home before the dark in the summer, I would sleep in the woods. I never feared the wolves. I never feared the bears. But I would never sleep outside in a city surrounded by people. And yet I never feared the wolves that I could hear every night.

Walking is all I have. Walking is who I am. I have a right, a human right to be who I am. Is it fair to have that taken from me? Even if it is stupid to walk. Is it fair?

There are a lot of grey-zones. "Was she drunk" "was she outside alone?" "How was she dressed" "Was she flirting"

Flirting is fun. Kissing is fun. A kiss does not mean that you by right can take an expedition further south. And a no, at any time, still means no.

There should not be any grey-zones

My story. It belongs to me. Does anyone have the right to take that from me?

I still wish you fair winds and a following sea